My new boyfriend feels strongly about the wrongs done to the Palestinians.
I've kept Palestine at arms-length for over a decade. It's not that I specifically didn't look into it. I never looked into anything political —wars, policies, elections, local or otherwise. It didn't show up on my two platforms, of which is Youtube and Email.
In my past time, I do one of three things: Read, online window shop, or look up events near me. It de-stresses me. I've been this way, intentionally, for around a decade.
I ignored politics. I wanted to focus on the single high leverage thing I control — My professional work. If I got money and power through my work, I could change things. I would make a difference beyond my single ballot... at a later time.
Back to my new boyfriend, me, and Palestine.
When he would bring up Palestine, which in our first few months of dating was often, I would ask questions that defended Israel. "Well, why did the Israeli army attack Gaza citizens? Wasn't there a terrorist attack that killed Israeli civilians first?". I studied the Bible my whole young adult life, learning about the movement, geneology, sins, and role models of the ancient Jewish people. I learned about the miraculous founding of Israel in 1948. Against all odds, surrounded by nations who hated them, they created a nation, fulfilling the prophecies. I learned this all before I was sixteen years old, and had not looked into it since. I thought Palestine was a neighboring region, maybe on the outskirts of Israel, that had a terrorist group that targeted Jews. It was easy for me to have blind empathy for all innocent people, like, yes it's a sad that Israelis or Palestinians being killed.
So unexpectedly, now at thirty-one years old, in 2026, Palestine was on my mind. While at a used book sale, I saw Bibi Netanyahu, the prime minister of Israel, had written a memoir. I flipped to a random page and found his writing voice to be authentic and direct. I picked up the 700+ page book and finished it.
It took me four months after this to form an opinion. I read four more books. I listened to more than a hundred hours of interviews. It was a dedicated, long effort, where I was frequently listening in my car, and coming home to read more about it. Finally, I feel I am a better than a novice with the fundamentals of the conflict. Without this understanding, it was foolish to have a position.
There are probably a thousand other topics like this that are important to my community, country, and world. Climate change, trade policies, international wars, domestic policies on welfare or homelessness, and the list goes on. I have surface level opinions on all of these, and I want to highlight the adjective "surface level". For example, I support small businesses (why wouldn't you?), I don't want my country to kill innocent civilians domestic or otherwise, and I want homeless people to suffer less.
I would not bet money on my voting opinions being right, in that they have the effect that I intended them to have. I have not done the research that would make me feel comfortable being confident. I don't know the second and third degree impacts of my opinions. In fact, the topics that I wield some sort of confidence in my knowledge fits in my one hand. I am confident I would make unregrettable voting choices on 1) simple moral issues where clearly one side is in the right and the other the wrong, and there is no complexity or 2nd or 3rd degree effects of the legislation to consider 2) simple candidate choices where one candidate was most qualified and trustworthy. It requi
In my recent ballot, I had to vote for more than 25 position appointments I didn't even know existed. I should know each individual candidate running for each office. I should consider the second and third degree impacts of every bill. That's the only way I would feel upright about making my vote matter — If I was confident I was making the best choice I could. And I am hard on myself. I know what learning something properly for me looks like. I know how much effort it takes. It took me three hours to fill out my ballot, I gave myself around 3-6 minutes per selection. I had also listened to around three hours of debates for the gubernatorial race and mayoral race. Besides this weekend effort, I had not kept up with policies, candidates, or the fundamentals of governance (like economics, county or state level policies, political science, research on welfare or class systems) at all. I'd give the quality of my decisions for this ballot a... D-.
So, why am I writing this? What is my point?
I wanted to figure out how I should continue.